


Name-Calling

by areyouarealmonster



Category: Arrow (TV 2012), DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Autistic Ray Palmer, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, Len is cranky, Len is secretly a marshmallow, M/M, Not Canon Compliant after E8, PTSD Leonard Snart, Panic Attacks, Ray always sees the best in people, Ray is a ray of sunshine, Sharing Clothes, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, coldatom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-05-28 20:18:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6343729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areyouarealmonster/pseuds/areyouarealmonster
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quiet moment hits the ship, and Snart attempts to find solitude while repairs are made. Ray, however, will not leave well enough alone and, in a valiant attempt to be his sunny self, actually messes everything up instead. Typical.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to arrowsshootyouforwards for beta-ing chapter 1!

**Roof of the Waverider, marooned (yet again) somewhere in space and time.**

Leonard Snart sat on the edge of one of the wings of the time ship, dangling his feet over the void, breathing in the cold. He took a sip from his flask, reveling in how the warmth mingled with the frigid cold of the air, the contrast making him enjoy the cold all that much more. His breath crystalized in a puff as he winced slightly at the burn of the crap whiskey he’d stolen somewhere along the way. 

As much as he’d complained about being stuck in yet another era with no Vandal Savage to hunt, while Rip and Jax tinkered with the ship, truthfully he was glad to have a moment to himself. Events had been nonstop since he’d…marooned his best friend. Yes, marooned was a good term. Helped him from thinking about the specifics. At least his teammates had stopped giving him sidelong looks and, in Raymond’s case, sad puppy eyes. It had helped that Jax apologized. It hadn’t made sense, anyway, for Jax to be so upset. The kid didn’t even _like_ Mick. 

Snart’s thoughts were interrupted by a hatch opening behind him. He turned to see Ray stepping out onto the body of the ship. 

“So this is where you’ve been,” Ray said, walking over and sitting down next to Snart. 

Snart raised an eyebrow. “Have you been looking for me, Raymond?” 

“Partially. I was also looking to get away from the happy couple for a bit.”

“I wouldn’t call this new Carter exactly…happy. More…ecstatic that he found a new Hawk Goddess after he lost his.” 

“Exactly. I ended things with Kendra willingly after the new Carter signed on, but it’s still…”

“Awkward?” Snart supplied helpfully. 

“Yeah, awkward.” Ray shivered as a breeze blew past. “I would ask if you were cold, but I’m pretty sure I know the answer.”

“Aw, boy scout, I thought you were supposed to be ready for everything. Are you not prepared for the cold?” Snart smirked and took a swig from the flask before holding it out to Ray. 

Ray peered at the offering suspiciously. “What is that?” 

“Whiskey. For warmth. Unless you’d like me to offer you my coat?” 

Ray took the flask, considering. “If you’re offering, I’ll take both.” He shivered again and looked pleadingly at Snart, who rolled his eyes. 

“I wasn’t _actually_ offering, Raymond, but since you asked so nicely…” Snart shrugged off his parka and held it out. 

Ray took a swig from the flask before trading it for the coat. “Thanks!” He grinned at his teammate as he put the parka on and wrapped his arms around himself. 

The two men fell into a surprisingly companionable silence as they passed the flask back and forth, staring out into the dark. Questions kept bubbling to the tip of Ray’s tongue and he choked them down, not wanting to anger the temperamental thief at his side. He figured he’d already pushed his luck with the coat thing, but he was never good at holding his tongue. After a few minutes, he started sneaking sidelong looks at Snart, trying to figure out what he could ask or say that wouldn’t cause a scene. Ray, however, was not at sneaky as he thought.

“ _Raymond_ ,” Snart drawled, “if you’re gonna look at me like that, you could at least buy me dinner first.”

“I—what? No, I was just, I just wanted to know how you’re holding up!” Raymond sputtered, clearly flustered. 

Snart pulled back slightly and tilted his head. “How I’m _holding up_?”

“Yeah, you know, with the whole…Mick… **thing**.” It was the wrong thing to say, Ray realized immediately. Snart tensed up as soon as the words were out, recoiling and shifting into battle mode. 

“I don’t mean it like that!” Ray tried to correct his trajectory, “I mean, I know how hard it is to lose someone you care about, and I know he meant a lot to you.”

“But what you really want to know is, did I _kill_ him?”

“No.”

“ _No_?”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t think you killed Mick.” 

“It’s not worth _anything_ but—“

“Let me finish.” Ray cut Snart off, with force that was surprising for the Boy Scout. “I don’t think you killed Mick, and it doesn’t matter. I’m not going to say that he deserved to die, but he betrayed the team, and you did what needed to be done. What’s more, he betrayed you, and I may not know you very well, but I know how much that hurt you. I could see it when he called the pirates forward, and when we were having our team meeting, deciding what to do about him. So I know that, no matter what you did with Mick Rory, the person who is going to be the most upset with you, is you.” 

Ray watched Snart breathing heavily, the puffs of air still crystalizing in the cold. He thought that maybe Snart was focusing on that, the cold maybe keeping the thief from lashing out at him. 

Ray took a deep breath. “You haven’t had time to grieve, what with the team getting separated in 1958, with being on the run, with Chronos, with finding a different Carter. Even if Mick isn’t dead, he’s gone from your life, probably forever. It was the right thing to do, but if I know you at all, I know you’re blaming yourself, and you miss him. So, yeah, how are you holding up?” 

“I’m fine.” Snart snapped, taking a final swig from the flask and swinging his legs up back onto the ship. 

“Wait—” Ray tried to stop him, but Snart was already back through the hatch. He sighed and pulled himself to his feet to head back inside.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snart hunts down Sara, and continues drinking.

**The Waverider, inside. Still marooned.**

 

Snart darted through the hatch, stalking through the dark, quiet hallways of the ship. It was later than he thought it was – everyone else seemed to have gone to their rooms to either sleep or do whatever _private_ things they might want to do. That was _fine_ with Len, he didn’t really want to _talk_ to any of his shipmates at the moment. Except, perhaps, Sara.

 

Sara was the only one who Snart felt actually understood him, now that Mick was gone. She was definitely a _hero_ , someone who tried to do the right thing, but there was no denying the monster inside her. She was also bisexual, and her gay-dar had pinpointed him as gay from the moment she had first set eyes on him. That was another sort of kinship they shared.

 

Not that Snart hid his sexuality; he wasn’t _ashamed_. He just didn’t feel the need to talk about it. And _honestly_ , if his shipmates were clueless, that was their fault and not his.

 

So, if he was hunting for Sara to drink more and maybe play cards, it didn’t mean he was in need of company, right? It wasn’t as though he was looking for distractions, or _support_. He just liked her snarky comments, that was all. Monsters enjoy the company of their own. Plus, she reminded him of his sister, and he reveled in that.

 

Decision made, he turned down the hallway that would take him to where she usually lurked – the room they had all made into a workshop for their various projects and tinkering. Being on a ship with a variety of scientists and engineers made things _interesting_ , Snart never knew what he was going to stumble on one of his shipmates poking at. Many small, pointless things had made his way into his coat, and then into his room. Raymond, especially, built small mechanical objects when he was stressed and then immediately forgot about them once he was done.

 

Of course, Len wasn’t _stealing_ them because Ray made them.

 

Snart reached the workroom, drawn forward by the sound of knives being sharpened.

 

“ _Sara_.”

 

“Hey, bring me any whiskey?” She didn’t look up from her knives.

 

Without thinking, Snart replied, “ _Sorry_ , Raymond and I drank it all.”

 

“Is that why you’re not wearing your coat?”

 

_Damn_. Sara was always too perceptive for her own good.

 

“He was _cold_ , he asked to borrow it. What was I supposed to do?”

 

At that, Sara looked up, smirking. “You coulda said no.”

 

“But I _didn’t_. Is there anything else to drink on this ship?”

 

“Changing the subject, nice.” She pulled out a fresh bottle of whiskey. “I snagged this from Stein’s room earlier, he wouldn’t appreciate the crap quality like we will.”

 

“I knew I came here for a reason.”

 

Sara pulled out a deck of cards and made a questioning noise. At Snart’s nod and shrug, they settled down in their usual spots on the floor and played, passing the bottle back and forth until Len was fully drunk.

 

“So, do I even wanna ask what happened between you and Ray tonight?”

 

“ _Probably_ not.” Snart slurred, his drawl still surprisingly intact.

 

“Ooh, even drunk, you’re not big on sharing.”

 

Len glared at the small assassin. “Why would you _assume_ something happened?”

 

“You don’t usually drink this much, and you seem crankier than usual.”

 

At this point, Snart was _actually_ drunk enough to tell Sara what had happened on the roof of the Waverider. He meandered through the story, skipping bits and swinging around to pick them up at various points, but eventually the whole story spilled out of him. As he finished, he realized that it was not quite as _eventful_ as it had felt at the time.

 

“So…let me get this straight? You got mad at him and stormed off because he was worried about your emotional state?” Sara tried really hard not to laugh, and mostly succeeded in her goal.

 

Snart bowed his head until his forehead was resting on the mouth of the whiskey bottle and groaned at his own transparency.

 

“What do you think he did with your coat?” She asked, smirking.

 

“He probably went straight to my room and knocked on my door to give it back. Most likely, he did this while trying to figure out what he did wrong, and while simultaneously figuring out the best way to phrase an apology.”

 

“Yeah, that…sounds like Ray!” Sara was positively gleeful at Len’s abject misery and annoyance at himself.

 

“Why are you _enjoying_ seeing me suffer?”

 

“Okay, instead of answering that, I’m going to ask you why you think you got so defensive when he asked you about your _feelings_ – maybe that will give you some insight.”

 

Len pulled his forehead off the lip of the bottle so he could unscrew the lid and take another swig, but Sara darted forward and grabbed it out of his hand before he could drink any.

 

“No, drinking is not a response. I’m not gonna force it out of you, I just want to know what you think.”

 

“I think…” Snart glared at Sara, but it was slightly offset by the fact that his eyes were vaguely unfocused. “I think I need to go lie down.”

 

“Ugh, fine. I’ll get you to say it eventually. Come on, let’s get you to your room. Lush.”

 

Snart muttered something rude under his breath, but allowed Sara to herd him back to his room.

 

“You gonna be alright?” Sara asked, watching him stumble over to his bed and sit down to take off his shoes.

 

Len nodded, and Sara left, closing the door behind her. Snart kicked off his shoes and threw his body down on top of his covers, feeling the room spinning around him. Tomorrow was _not_ going to be enjoyable. He forced himself to drift off to sleep, pushing away thoughts of the feeling of Raymond’s hand brushing against his own, of Raymond wearing his coat, of Raymond looking at him with those puppy dog eyes, of Raymond _worrying_ about him. He couldn’t quite push away the thought that Raymond must think of him, has to think of him, when they weren’t in the same room, when he would have no _reason_ to think of him, because otherwise Raymond wouldn’t, _couldn’t_ , be worried about him. This thought stayed with him as he finally, drunkenly, fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A hangover and an apology. Also, breakfast.

**Snart’s room, the Waverider, repairs on the ship still underway.**

 

Len woke up to a raging hangover and a way-too-loud knocking on his door. A wave of nausea hit as he forced himself to sit up.

 

“Okay, okay,” he croaked, his temples aching (which probably made the nausea worse). He threw his legs over the side of the bed and stood, testing his balance. Crap.

 

“Snart? Are you up?” A familiar voice called, full of way too much sunshine for Len to handle at this stage of his hangover.

 

He groaned as he walked over to touch the opening mechanism. The door whooshed open, and Len pressed his forehead to the cold metal frame, trying to absorb as much of it as he could into his aching head.

 

“Um… Are you okay?” Raymond's sunny expression turned worried.

 

“Hangover. What?”

 

“Oh, I brought you your coat back!” Raymond stepped into the room, uninvited, and draped the parka over the lone chair in the room.

 

“Also, how are you hungover? We didn't drink that much last night.”

 

“Sara. No food.” Snart forced out, moving his forehead to another lovely cold spot on the door frame.

 

Raymond considered the scene for a minute, then began to take action. He grabbed the metal water bottle from the floor next to the bed and, holding it out in one hand, placed the other hand gently between Len’s shoulder blades.

 

“Water. Now.”

 

Snart made a noncommittal noise but took the offered water bottle and slowly sipped its contents. Ray's hand still rested on his back and Len crankily realized that he didn't mind.

 

After Snart had taken a few large gulps of water, Raymond placed his other hand on Len's hip and wordlessly guided him back to his bed. Normally Snart would have resisted the coddling, making a few pointed comments about Raymond being a _mother hen_ , but his head hurt too much and he was pretty sure sarcasm would just cause him to lose the meager contents of his stomach. Plus, the other man’s hands felt good on his aching skin, even through his thin shirt.

 

“Is there anything I can get you?” Raymond asked, concern dripping from his mouth like raw honey. Len hated it suddenly, hated the warmth that radiated off the other man, hated seeming vulnerable.

 

“No. You can go.” He muttered, lying down and turning away onto his side. A mistake, he know immediately, as the nausea threatened to tip over the edge, but he forced it down. He was Leonard Snart, damn it, he was not going to let a little hangover topple everything he'd built, not going to let the radiance of this _man_ melt the walls of ice around him, melt the bricked-up cold of his heart.

 

“Okay, well, if you need anything--”

 

“I won't.”

 

“--have Gideon give me a shout, okay?”

 

Snart didn't respond. Ray stood for a beat, two, three, and left, the door whooshing shut behind him.

 

“Gideon?”

 

“Yes, Mr. Snart?”

 

“Make it colder in here, I can't breathe.”

 

“Right away, Mr. Snart.”

 

Len rolled over onto his back, the nausea receding slightly, and drifted back off into a restless and unfulfilling sleep.

 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

A few hours later, he woke to a lack of nausea and only the _ghost_ of a headache. He could live with this. He went into his bathroom and emptied his bladder, then began the long-awaited process of scraping the disgusting coat of slime and fuzz that always followed a long night off his teeth. He'd almost finished when he heard knocking. Len stalked to the door, more annoyed by the fact that he couldn't slam the door open than was probably healthy, and slapped the opening mechanism.

 

The door, of course, whirred open to the grinning face of his current arch-nemesis, Raymond Palmer. (If he was being a tad overdramatic, he did not give a _flying fuck_ ). He glared at the scene in front of him, the toothbrush clenched in his jaw. Ray looked startled for a second, then settled back into his normal sunny grin. Snart gave an angry, questioning look, the effectiveness of which was only slightly lessened by the presence of the toothbrush.

 

“Gideon said you were awake, I brought you breakfast!” Raymond held out a large tray, looking exceedingly proud of himself. “Also, coffee!”

 

Snart was about to close the door, annoyed again about the lack of slamming options, but the smell of the food was too good, and the idea of coffee was too strong a draw, so he just shook his head in resignation and went back to the bathroom to rinse out his mouth, leaving the doorway open for Raymond to walk in and set the tray down on the desk.

 

“Your room is freezing, you know!” Ray called from the main room. Snart poked his head out with a raised eyebrow. “Right, of course, Captain Cold, that…makes sense. Was it this cold before?”

 

Snart was too _tired_ for this shit right now, but as annoyed as he was at Pretty Boy for invading his space, he was more annoyed at _himself_ for, deep down, liking it. Defeat was starting to settle in and as he put his toothbrush away, he begrudgingly asked Gideon to turn the temperature back up to normal. Raymond called a thanks from the other room. Rolling his eyes, Len stalked out of the bathroom, drawn to the smell of breakfast. As he got closer to the food, and to Ray leaning on the edge of the desk, he noticed that there were two of everything on the tray: two plates of food, two cups of coffee, two sets of utensils.

 

“You didn’t just come to give me food and _leave_ , you came to eat food _with_ me.”

 

“Uh, yeah, of course. I came by earlier to apologize, but you were in no state. I wanted to talk to you, but, well, when you were actually coherent. And, not on the verge of throwing up.”

 

Snart didn’t really know what to do with this information so he decided to stall. He swiped a plate and mug and fork and settled down cross-legged on his bed. Len focused on his food, forking scrambled eggs into his mouth in between munching on crispy bacon. Raymond cleared his throat, and Snart looked up at him.

 

“God, do you do anything but glare? No, sorry, don’t answer that.”

 

“Your apology is going _great_ so far,” Snart said, through a bite of toast.

 

“Yeah, sorry, that was uncalled for.”

 

Len shrugged. “Well, you’re not _wrong_.”

 

“Hey, I’ve seen you look surprised! And you smirk, like, a lot. I don’t think I’ve seen you fully smile, though. Okay, nope, getting off topic. Right, apology. Clearly I said something wrong on the roof last night, and I don’t really know what it was but that’s okay, because I pushed and I shouldn’t have pushed. So, I won’t. I won’t push, I won’t ask, but I also want to you know that I am here to listen if you want to talk. Even if you don’t want to talk. I can talk more than enough for both of us, clearly.” Ray took a deep breath before continuing, “But if you do want to talk, I want to listen. Without judgement. Any time.” He looked expectantly at Snart.

 

_What_? That was not at all what Snart was expecting. A ‘sorry for guilting you into borrowing your coat’ maybe? He didn’t know how to respond, so he just stared blankly at Raymond.

 

“Uh…was that the wrong thing to say?”

 

“I don’t know.” And he didn’t. It felt right, he just didn’t know how to handle it. Luckily, Raymond took that out of his hands.

 

“Okay, well, anyway, you don’t have to do anything with this, just know that the offer stands…” Ray paused, considering. “How was your food?”

 

Snart looked down and realized that he had devoured the entirety of his breakfast without noticing, and also that he was still hungry. He slung back the rest of his coffee and flowed up to standing.

 

“Let’s go get me some more. I’m _starved_.” He stalked out of the room, not looking to see if Raymond was following. The Boy Scout, of course, fell into step behind him. Len flashed a grin momentarily, sure that Ray couldn’t see it, before settling comfortably into a smirk.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Emotions and also touching. Some things go well, some things...don't.

**Kitchen of the Waverider, Repairs Underway but Close to Completion. Finally.**

 

Snart sauntered into the kitchen, Raymond following a step behind. The room was deserted, and Len realized that he had no idea what _time_ it was. That was the thing nobody ever told you about time travel – after a while, your internal clock just _gives up_. He stopped in the middle of the room.

 

“Gideon, what time is it?”

 

“According to my calculations, based on an averaging out of the schedules of everyone aboard the Waverider, it is mid-afternoon.”

 

Snart looked at Raymond. “I slept that long?”

 

“Clearly you needed it.” Ray said, shrugging.

 

The two men selected various foods, and sat eating them in another surprising bout of companionable silence. Snart slowly ate his food and sipped his iced coffee and tried to not stare at the other man. He didn’t know why _Pretty Boy_ was doing this and it drove him up a wall to not know. He was familiar enough with Raymond to be mostly sure there was no hidden motive behind the kind smile, but past that…He couldn’t figure it out.

 

What he did know was that, against his will, the feelings for Raymond that he had pushed down and aside time and time again were bubbling to the surface. He was beginning to _bask_ in the presence of the other man, to _revel_ in it. It was an uncomfortable feeling. Having _feelings_ at all was an uncomfortable feeling, since they’d brought him nothing but pain in the past. But, god, Raymond was radiant. Sure, he was an idiot. He didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut, and he constantly made a mess of things because he was _distracted_ by something or other…but there was a glow about him that warmed Len to his core. He hated it, he despised it, he _ached_ for it. He thought the turning of his stomach when Raymond smiled at him had to be what people meant when they said they had _butterflies_ in their stomach. It was miserable; and yet, he was beginning to actively seek the other man out.

 

Snart had no idea what to do next – this had never happened to him before in quite this way. Sure, he’d had boyfriends, kind of, if someone you hooked up with and then threw aside before any emotions kicked in could count as a boyfriend. He’d never let himself get _attached_ before to anyone like this…

 

The silence grew and stretched and suddenly was interrupted by loud, happy shouts from the hallway. Someone that sounded suspiciously like Jax was cawing and gleefully parading through the ship.

 

“Woo! Hell yeah! I am the king of the time ship!” Jax’s head appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. “There you guys are! I fixed the ship! We can finally get the hell out of here!”

 

“Oh, you fixed the Waverider all by yourself, did you?” A disembodied English voice said. Jax’s head pulled away only to be replaced by Rip’s. “Come on, team meeting on the bridge.” Their voices receded as they walked away, arguing about who was actually responsible for figuring out that final step.

 

Snart hurriedly shoved the rest of the contents of his food into his mouth and dumped his plate, glass, and silverware into the cleaning pod. Raymond followed suit, and the two men headed directly to the bridge.

 

“Well, it will be good to get out of here!”

 

Snart made a noncommittal noise of agreement.

 

“I’m sure we’ll go somewhere that is cold and snowy and miserable for the rest of us again soon.”

 

Len snorted. “I won’t lie, that _has_ been lovely.”  


“Yeah, the roof has become your, like, second bedroom.”

 

“I don’t _sleep_ out there, Boy Scout.”

 

“Could’ve fooled me.” Raymond grinned at him, and slung an arm around his shoulders. Len’s entire body went still on contact, and he involuntarily sucked in a gulp of air through his nose. Ray immediately let go and took a step back. “Woah, sorry. Didn’t mean to freak you out there. No touch?” He held his hands up in surrender.

 

_Fuck_.

 

Snart let out a groan and pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers. “I’m sorry, Raymond.”

 

“Hey.” Sara was standing at the end of the hallway, leaning out of the doorway that led to the bridge. “Team meeting? We’re waiting for you.”

 

“Yeah, uh, can we talk about this later?” Raymond’s face was full of worry and confusion as he tried to figure out Snart’s expression.

 

Hell, Snart wasn’t even sure what the expression on his own face was, let alone how anyone else would figure it out. He just nodded, mentally kicking himself, and Sara pulled them onto the bridge.

 

“Great, well, now that everyone is **finally** here, we can begin!” Rip was vaguely glaring at them, but Snart was completely out of fucks to give, and threw himself over a chair on the opposite side of the room from Raymond. Sara perched on the floor beside him and rolled her eyes at him before directing her attention to Rip.

 

“So, as you all undoubtedly have heard, the ship has fixed—“

 

“By me!”

 

“—by Mr. Jackson and myself.” Jax made an indignant noise, but quieted after a pointed look from Stein. Rip went on to detail exactly what was wrong with the ship, interrupted by questions (mostly from _the annoying inventor_ and the almost-equally annoying professor), but Snart was unable and uninterested in following any of it. The ship was fixed, and he’d fucked up. That was really all that mattered. A few minutes into his seething, Sara smacked him on the arm with the back of her hand. Somehow, she was able to do it silently, and _very_ painfully.

 

“ _What?_ ” He hissed at her.

 

“You’re sulking. It’s distracting. Stop it.” She whispered back. “Pay attention!”

 

“I have no idea what they’re talking about! It’s technobabble and also I _don’t care._ ”

 

“Ugh! Just stop being so loud in your self-pity so I can listen!”

 

“I _will_ murder you.”

 

“I’d like to see you try.”

 

“Excuse me, children?” Rip called, cutting through their hushed argument. “Do I need to separate the both of you?”

 

“No, we’ll stop.” Sara muttered, embarrassed.

 

“ _Only_ if you stop speaking another language and focus on when we’re going next.” Len said, in a moderately decent attempt at his normal drawl. He tried to keep his breathing even, tried to force his face into his regular scowl.

 

“A fair request, Mr. Snart, my apologies. We seem to have gotten bogged down in the overly technical details. We may move on to our next step.”

 

“Oh, thank god! I had no idea what any of you were saying!” Kendra said, looking relieved. Carter, beside her, nodded in agreement.

 

“Well,” continued Rip, “Gideon has found a lead in 2100. Some documents that contain cryptic references to a medical anomaly, someone found in a horrible crash and somehow survived. One of many, many stories like it, but this one fits his description. We may as well go and check it out.” Everyone nodded in agreement, or made noises of affirmation. “We will leave tomorrow, since it is getting late, and we all want to be prepared to take off. Tonight, we can celebrate moving on. Drinks on the bridge after dinner?” This was met with a lot more enthusiasm than his last announcement, and Rip dismissed the team.

 

Snart saw Rip approach Raymond to continue discussing the fixes on the ship. He heard the Boy Scout plead out of the conversation, and slipped out of the room before Ray could corner him. He needed to collect his thoughts and figure out _what the hell_ to say. Unfortunately for him, he wasn’t fast enough.

 

Raymond caught up halfway down the hallway that led to the escape hatch onto the roof.

 

“Snart!”

 

Len stopped and turned to face the other man. He hoped his face didn’t look as terrified as he felt. He squared off and waited.

 

“Look, I don’t know what happened back there, but I’m sorry. I won’t touch you again if you don’t want me to, but…are you okay?”

 

“ _Please_ stop asking me if I’m okay. I wasn’t expecting it, I tensed up, it’s _fine_.”

 

“Okay, but…”

 

“And I don’t _care_ whether you touch me again or not.” _Shit_. “You can do whatever you want, _Raymond_. Just warn me next time.”

 

Len turned to continue out the hatch, but Ray grabbed his arm.

 

“Okay, here’s your warning. I’m gonna hug you.” Raymond said, and pulled Snart into a hug.

 

Len felt himself melt into Raymond’s embrace. The other man was slightly taller, lankier. Ray’s long, thin fingers pressed into Len’s back. Snart’s chin rested comfortably on Raymond’s shoulder. Len thought he would lose his mind, the Boy Scout smelled so good. He breathed in the moment, absorbed the feeling into his skin, he let himself relax. For the first time, maybe ever, he let down his walls. He let someone in.

 

Then Raymond dropped the hug and stepped back, and the walls snapped back up. Partially.

 

“You didn’t freak out or hit me, I think that’s a step in the right direction!” Raymond beamed, clearly not understanding the effect his hug had on Snart.

 

“You did warn me.” The words came out, but there was no hint of a drawl.

 

Ray tilted his head, still grinning. “I did. I’ll let you hide out on the roof now. See you at dinner?”

 

“Sure. See you at dinner.”

 

Snart watched Raymond walk down the hallway and tried to collect his thoughts. He failed, miserably. All he could think of was the press of another body on his, and he knew that wasn’t going away any time soon. He sighed, and climbed out on the roof to pass the time taking in the cold and snow until dinner.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A celebration, a card game, a kiss.

**The Bridge of the Waverider, Celebrating Moving On**

 

“I’m all in.” Snart drawled, glaring at the portion of his teammates he was currently beating at poker, and pushing his chips into the center of the table that was anchored in Rip’s office.

 

Raymond, to Len’s left, sighed heavily. “I fold.”

 

“I fold as well.” Rip tossed his cards down casually on the table. Then, silence.

 

Snart began to worry he’d made a mistake by thinking that Sara, on his right, (who he was currently focusing his glare on) had been bluffing. He was validated in this worry when Sara smirked at him and pushed the remainder of her chips to join his in the center.

 

“Well, I guess I’m all in, too.” She said, clearly taunting him.

 

“Oooooh, someone’s gonna get their ass kicked!” Jax cawed from his spot near the doorway of the circular room.

 

Len flipped his cards, Sara flipped hers. He lost. Sara cackled, and dragged her winnings toward her. Snart’s eyes flicked unwillingly to _Mr. Touchy-Feely_ , who was currently watching the scene with amusement. “ _Fine_ , I guess I’m out, and _losers_ gotta make the next round. Anyone need another drink? I know I do.” Len asked, standing up and stretching. Sara raised her hand while chugging the rest of her drink.

Raymond grinned up at him. “I’d love another drink, Snart!” As Ray spoke, Rip nodded and raised his pointer finger in the air.

 

“Great, so _everyone_ wants a drink.” Snart rolled his eyes, but proceeded to the drinks cart (Rip _actually_ had a wooden _drinks cart_ , ugh) to make fresh drinks for his teammates. He was mentally kicking himself. How could he let himself get so distracted that he lost in front of everyone? He was better than this and he knew it…but he couldn’t pull back. The feeling of Ray’s arms around him was etched onto his skin.

 

“I’ll be right back, boys. Someone’s gotta help him carry our drinks back.” Snart heard Sara say, and she appeared next to him. He tried to ignore her, but she whacked his arm.

 

“Ow! Would you _stop_ doing that?”

 

“Not until you tell me what is going on with you!” She kept her voice down, and Len could barely hear her over the celebratory background noise that the rest of the team was causing. He snuck a look behind him to see that only Kendra was watching their conversation.

 

“Nothing is going on.” Sara drew her arm back to whack him again and he hurriedly continued in a near-whisper. “ _Okay_ , don’t **hit** me again. Raymond… _hugged_ me earlier. It was weird. I’m trying to _deal_ with it.” Sara let out a small squeal and he glared at her.

 

“That’s so cute!” Sara said, gleefully.

 

“It is _not_ cute, it is _confusing_ and I am _trying_ not to think about it.” Snart said through gritted teeth. Sara cackled and punched his arm playfully a few times.

 

“You’re in _loooooo—_ “

 

“Do not. Finish. That. Sentence.” Len put down the drink he was pouring and rounded on Sara.

 

“Oh my god, you guys have the weirdest relationship!” Kendra called from the other side of the room. Len and Sara slowly turned to look at Kendra.

 

“Wait…” Sara said. “…do you think…What kind of relationship do you think we’re in?”

 

“You guys are like, together, right?”

 

Snart tilted his head and just looked at Kendra. Was the team _really_ that blind? Sara began dissolving into laughter beside him.

 

“Oookay…what did I miss?” Kendra asked, now looking just as confused as Len felt. He looked at Sara, who shook her head at him through her nearing-hysterical laughter.

 

“Why are you not upset that she finds this so funny?” Raymond asked. Snart carefully didn’t look at him.

 

He took a deep breath. “Kendra, I’m _gay_.” It was surprisingly difficult to say it with the feeling of Ray’s eyes on him. “Did _none_ of you know? It’s not like I _hide_ it.”

 

“I knew.” Rip said.

 

Len pointed at Rip. “Not shocked by that, Cap, especially considering you already know our life stories.” Rip nodded in acknowledgement.

 

Across the room, Snart saw Jax slowly put his hand up. “I, uh, kinda figured.” Snart smirked at him.

 

“Good on you, kid. Anyone else?” Silence. “Huh.”

 

Then he heard a sharp breath from Raymond, followed by: “Oh!” He steeled himself and slowly turned his entire body to face the Atom.

 

“Something you’d like to share with the class, _Boy Scout_?”

 

“Uh, no, it’s just, uh…” Raymond seemed to be grasping for the right words. “Um…the uh, thing.” Snart raised an eyebrow at him and waited. “With, uh, Valentina! Vostok!”

 

“You mean how I didn’t bat an eyelash at killing her? Just because I’m not interested in sleeping with women doesn’t mean I don’t _respect_ them. Unless they’re planning on ending the world, of course.”

 

“Uh, okay, sure, but I actually meant uh…the wallet. That you stole. While kissing her.”

 

Snart could feel a horrible, terrible idea bubbling up in his throat and he tried to swallow it down, but the words came out anyway. “Are you suggesting, _Raymond_ , that I was able to steal her wallet because I was not _distracted_ by her kiss? That I was able to _successfully_ steal her wallet during the kiss because I was _not_ attracted to her?”

 

“Um, maybe? I don’t—”

 

“Are you saying, _Raymond_ ,” he started forward, walking back towards the table, towards Raymond, “that I would not be able to accomplish that if, _say_ , someone I had the _potential_ to be attracted to was kissing me?” He kept his voice slow, quiet, deadly.

 

“I, uh—”

 

“Are you, _perchance_ , questioning my _skills_ as a _thief_?” He reached Ray’s chair and loomed over him, placing each hand on either side of Raymond’s head on the warm wooden back of the chair. He took strength in Ray’s sharp intake of breath and in the widening of his eyes.

 

“Would you _like_ me to test that _theory_ , Raymond?” He stepped forward, straddling Raymond and the chair, ignoring the team around him, ignoring that his mind was screaming at him that he was going to regret this, ignoring the speeding up of his heart and the ache in the pit of his stomach. _Focus on the mission_ , he told himself, and sat down on top of Ray’s legs. “Here’s your warning. I’m going to kiss you.” And he did.

 

And Raymond kissed him back. And everything else fell away. And, _fuck_ , it was everything he’d hoped it would be. Raymond tasted like honey; he was sweet without being saccharine, syrupy without being cloying. His hands came up to bracket Len’s face, to run across Len’s cropped hair, to curl at the base of his neck. Ray deepened the kiss as Len dragged his mind back to the plan, kicking and screaming. His hands found Ray’s waist, Ray’s pockets, Ray’s wallet. He palmed it as he slipped his tongue into Raymond’s mouth. He pushed his hips forward as he stole Ray’s watch off his wrist and pulled it onto his own wrist. Len let it go a beat longer, to savor the taste, the feeling, before he abruptly pulled back and flowed up to standing.

 

Snart stood for another beat, his chest heaving, taking extreme pleasure in how absolutely _wrecked_ the other man looked. _Good_. He cleared his throat, composed his face, and stalked back to the drinks cart to down a shot of whiskey. Task accomplished, he leaned back as nonchalantly as he could against the rounded wall of the office and began flipping through Ray’s wallet. He saw nothing, though; he was trying to push away the blood throbbing in his temples, trying to slow the beating of his heart, trying to make sure his shaking hands didn’t show. He was _really glad_ his parka was long enough to hide his erection.

 

The silence of his team was broken by a slow clap from Sara. “Wow, Len, you really showed him, huh?”

 

“ _Eat shit_ , Sara.”

 

Sara laughed again. “Well, boys, shall we continue our game?” She carried the finished drinks over and set them down in front of Ray and Rip, taking a sip of her own. “Earth to Ray!” She said, waving her hand in front of his face.

 

Ray’s hand went to his wrist, and he turned to look at Len. Snart carefully ignored him, unsure of what he would do if he saw anything negative on Raymond’s face.

 

“Did you…take my watch?” Ray asked, quietly.

 

Snart held his arm up, checking the time on his newly acquired timepiece. “I don’t know why you still wear this, _Boy Scout_. It’s not like _time_ is relevant to us anymore.”

 

“It’s comforting, okay?” Raymond stood up, and Len barely had time to think ‘ _oh, shit_ ’ before Ray was in front of him. “Can I have my stuff back, now? You made your point.”

 

Len’s eyes flicked up unwillingly to meet Raymond’s gaze. He hated to admit it, but his reaction to the closeness of the other man had just gotten a whole lot more intense. _Especially_ since he saw nothing negative on Ray’s face: just an open intensity.

 

“Did I?” Snart asked, trying to keep his voice even. “And what _was_ my point?”

 

Raymond sighed. “That you’re the best thief, yeah, we get it. Can I please have my stuff back?”

 

“Why? Is there something in here you don’t want me to see?” He focused his attention more closely on the wallet and its’ contents. No ID or credit cards, Rip had told them to take all of those out. Some cash, not much, all older bills. Rip had given them all time-appropriate money. A condom. Snart pulled that out and held it between two fingers. “Don’t you know you’re not _supposed_ to keep these in your wallet? Body heat and, well, _friction_ , cause them to go bad.” He smirked, but the only reaction that elicited was an eye roll and an open palm. Instead of placing the wallet in Raymond’s hand, as intended, he handed over the condom and the watch and continued his search of the wallet. Nothing else, except—

 

There was a small piece of paper tucked into the back of a deep pocket. Len started to carefully tug it out, but was stopped by a quiet plea.

 

“Len.”

 

Raymond had never called him ‘Len’ before. Always ‘Snart’, sometimes ‘Leonard,’ _never_ ‘Len.’

 

“Please.”

 

Snart swallowed, closed the wallet, and handed it over without another word.

 

“Thank you.” Ray placed a hand lightly on his arm, then walked back to the table to continue the card game. Snart felt everyone else’s eyes on him, and slipped out of the room before anyone else could say anything to him.

 

Once he was out of the bridge and out of sight, he practically ran out to the roof, his chest heaving, trying to hold himself together. He’d definitely _fucked up_ this time; he’d known it was a bad plan, that there were a million ways it could go wrong, and he did it anyway. Even worse, he’d showed emotions. Not just in front of Sara, not just in front of Raymond, but in front of every single one of his teammates. To make matters worse, he was undeniably sober, and he’d run off before he could snag a bottle of booze to drown his current self-hatred in.

 

He laid down on the roof, and let the snow fall on him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took me longer than usual, I've been swamped with work. It's longer than the past few chapters, so enjoy! ;)


	6. Chapter 6

**Med Bay of the Waverider, Mid-Mission-Meltdown**

 

“What the _hell_ were you thinking, Raymond?” Snart stormed into the room, shedding equipment and steam. Ray lay on the cot, half out of his armor, his shirt ripped open. Blood poured sluggishly out of a bullet hole in his side.

 

“Heeeeey, Lenny.” Raymond peered up at him, eyes clouded over with what must be a _massive_ dose of painkillers. “Did the rest of the team make it back okay?”

 

The nickname, along with Raymond’s concern for their teammates and _lack_ of concern for his own predicament, tore through Snart, and the wind rushed out of his sails. “I’m not sure. I kind of… _stalked off_ without checking in. Gideon?”

 

“The rest of the team is still engaged with Vandal Savage’s troops. However, nobody else seems to have sustained massive injuries as of yet. It seems that you, Mr. Snart, have arrived just in time.”

 

Len cocked his head. “In time for what?”

 

Gideon continued in their normal calm, monotone voice. “Dr. Palmer was about to begin surgery on himself to extract the bullet from his abdomen. Now that you have arrived, I can put him under and you can extract the bullet.”

 

Len’s eyes raked over Raymond, taking in the bloody hands clutching medical pliers. The realization hit him like a punch to the gut. Or, well, a bullet to the side. He guessed it was only fair he pull out the bullet, considering. Snart swallowed hard and took a seat on the stool next to the cot where Raymond lay. He stripped his gloves off, dropping them on the floor, and took a deep breath.

 

“I’ve gotta warn you, I’ve only done this with cheap vodka and tweezers sterilized with a lighter, so I’m _not sure_ I’m the best man for the job.” He pulled on a pair of medical gloves and took the instrument from Raymond. Before he could pull away, Ray grabbed his hand.

 

“I trust you, Len.” The look in his eyes was almost too much for Snart. It was open, pleading, welcoming…loving?

 

Snart couldn’t process this, couldn’t figure this out. So, he asked, “Why? Why _did_ you take the bullet for me?”

 

“It would have killed you.” Ray stated, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“It might have killed you too. Your suit _clearly_ can’t stop armor-piercing rounds.”

 

Raymond shrugged, then winced. “Yeah, it could have killed me. But it definitely would have killed you. And…well, I just thought about how I would feel if that happened and…I thought losing you would hurt more than the bullet.”

 

Len was sure his heart had stopped. Or maybe he was dead. No, _couldn’t be_. Someone like _him_ wouldn’t go to heaven. If he even _believed_ in heaven. He supposed it had to be real.

 

“If the two of you are quite done with your emotional conversation, I would like to sedate Dr. Palmer now so that the bullet can safely be removed and I can continue the healing process.” Trust Gideon to sound snarky without any pointed intonation.

 

“Uh, yeah, of course. Put me under.” Raymond squeezed Len’s hand and then released it. “You got this.”

 

“I hope so. See you on the other side, I guess.” Len thought that every conversation he had with Raymond lately was a fight to keep his voice even. At least now he could drop his guard slightly and process what Ray had just said to him. He began to examine the wound as Raymond dropped off into a drugged sleep.

 

“Uh, Gideon?”

 

“Yes, Mr. Snart?”

 

“Do you have, uh, a way to show me _exactly_ where the bullet is?”

 

“Of course, Mr. Snart. I can bring up a holographic projection with measurements so you are able to see the depth and angle of the wound to extract the bullet with ease.”

 

“Gotta love that technology” Snart muttered to himself, examining the 3D image overlaid on Ray’s stomach. Even with the grisly wound, he felt his eyes drifting to Raymond’s abs and he was glad that the Atom suit was still covering the other man’s lower half; otherwise, the distractions would be even worse.

 

He pulled himself back to focusing on the bullet, calculating the angle and psyching himself up to actually pull it out. He hadn’t been lying; he’d done this before, but only on himself. He knew his own pain limits, but he didn’t know Raymond’s.

 

As he slowly pushed the pliers past skin and muscle, he considered Ray’s words. Could Raymond actually have _feelings_ for him? Or was it just Raymond’s general theme of getting himself overly attached to anyone who paid attention to him for more than five minutes? He really was a puppy.

 

But…Raymond had kissed back last night. Len had only let himself think about the kiss back in his room, after the cold and the snow had soaked through to his bones. He let himself warm up with thoughts of Raymond: of their legs tangled together, his hands running through Ray’s hair, the taste of honey in his mouth. He’d let his mind run wild, run through what might’ve happened if they’d been alone and if the kiss… _progressed_. He imagined hard muscles, soft lips, Raymond’s body warm against his own. He had come, panting, feeling empty and grasping at the ghost of a vision that he _never_ thought could be real.

 

No matter how terrified he was of letting someone in, of falling for someone, he couldn’t deny how good it had felt for Raymond to kiss him back. What if he let him in? What would happen?

 

Snart closed the tweezers around the bullet, and slowly eased it out of the wound.

 

“Well done, Mr. Snart. I will begin the healing process and let you know when Dr. Palmer is ready to wake up.”

 

“Uh, yeah. Thanks, Gideon.” His mind was still spinning and racing, but he thought he had a path now. It shook him to his core, but he was done running away. He wasn’t going to make the next move, but he wasn’t going to stop it from happening either. Snart put his now-aching head down next to Ray’s hip on the cot and, without meaning to, fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning for this chapter: mention of past abuse.

**Med-Bay, The Waverider, Approximately an Hour Later**

 

Snart roared back into consciousness with a sharp pain in his neck and fingertips running across his short-cropped hair. He grunted and sat up, his hand going to push on the throbbing muscles of his neck.

 

“Hey, are you alright?”

 

Len snorted. “I should be asking you that, _hero complex_.”

 

“I’m okay, thanks to you.” Raymond was grinning at him, that thousand-watt smile wreaking havoc on his heartbeat.

 

“Well, I guess the feeling’s mutual.” He gave an experimental shake of his neck, wincing as pain shot through him again.

 

“Come here,” Ray insisted, holding out a hand. Snart begrudgingly scooted the stool forward and turned to the side. Raymond’s hand reached up to his neck, slowly pushing until Snart winced with more force. “Drama queen,” Ray muttered, focusing the movements of his fingers on that spot. Len let himself sink into the massage, breathing through the pain, knowing that he would feel better in the end. He let his head droop, followed by his shoulders, and finally his torso. He laid his forehead down on Raymond’s chest, and Ray’s other hand came up to start work on his shoulder.

 

It was _astonishing_ , how easy it was to let go. How easy it was to give in, to let Raymond take care of him. He couldn’t _really_ figure out why he’d been fighting so hard to stay distant and aloof.

 

Raymond’s hand came up to his cheek, lifting Len’s face carefully and drawing it toward his own. They held there for a minute, in limbo, Ray’s fingers curled at the base of his neck, Len’s forehead braced against Raymond’s.

 

“Hi,” Ray said, breathlessly, his eyes bright.

 

“Hey.” Snart took a deep breath and licked his lips. He began to move in, to press his lips to Raymond’s, when the door burst open and Rip burst in, a bleeding Carter in tow. Snart jumped back and up, chest heaving, wrenching his neck again.

 

“Sorry to interrupt your moment, gentlemen, but if Dr. Palmer is quite healed, we need the chair.” Rip handed Carter off to Kendra and Sara, who had followed the two men into the room.

 

“Uh, yeah, I’m okay.” Raymond pushed himself up weakly. “Um, actually, can I get a little help?” He looked at Snart. “Len? A hand?”

 

“Oh, yeah. Sure.” Snart wrapped his arm around Raymond’s torso and helped him up off the cot, trying to ignore the way Sara was smirking at him. “How’s he doing, Gideon?”

 

“While his wound has healed, Dr. Palmer will still need rest to regain his strength. If you would escort him to his room, that would speed up the healing process greatly.”

 

Ray turned his head to look at Snart. “Would you mind?” He asked, with a smile that turned Len’s stomach. No, not turned, it was those _fucking butterflies_ again.

 

“Yeah, let’s go.” He helped Raymond out of the room, flipping off Sara, snickering behind them. He scooped up his cold gun on the way, clicking it back into his holster. The top portion of Raymond’s suit lay discarded on the floor, but if Ray didn’t mention it, he wasn’t going to. It was safe with the rest of the team anyway.

 

They walked slowly down the hallway toward Raymond’s bedroom, Snart’s skin on fire from where it was pressed against Raymond. If they hadn’t been interrupted, he would have kissed Ray; and this time, there would have been no running away. He would have had to own up to his feelings. Well, he might still have to. They were headed back to Ray’s room, after all. And this time, the likelihood of disturbance was minimal. They were down two members of the team – nobody was going after Savage until they were both healed.

 

Snart wasn’t going to lie, he was still terrified by the prospect of actually saying out loud how he felt about Raymond, especially since he hadn’t yet figured out how to phrase it. ‘I want you’ didn’t paint the full picture; ‘I need you’ was, well, too _needy_ ; ‘I adore you’ was sickly sweet and not his style…so where did that leave him?

 

It left him in front of Raymond’s door, apparently. Ray swept the door open and Snart helped him inside and into a seated position on the bed. Raymond began to peel off pieces of his Atom suit and shucked off his torn-open, bloody shirt. Snart froze, unsure of how to react to what was happening in front of him. Should he turn away? Should he ogle? He _wanted_ to ogle, that much he knew. And, well, if Raymond wasn’t asking him to turn away, maybe it was okay to watch while Ray divested himself of his clothing. Raymond looked up and smirked at him. Yup, _definitely_ okay.

 

Snart unhooked his gun and leaned it up against the doorframe. He had a feeling he was going to be staying for a while. He crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall, keeping his distance until he figured out what Raymond wanted. Ray took off the past piece, leaving just the long black leggings he wore under his suit, and looked at Snart. Snart looked back. The silence filled up the air between them, growing and stretching and –

 

“Ow,” Snart winced as the pulled muscle in his neck suddenly picked that moment to twinge. Raymond chuckled and beckoned Snart over to the bed. Len kicked his boots off, and stood next to the bed, waiting.

 

“Let me fix that for real this time, okay?” Raymond guided Len to sit cross-legged on the bed and knelt behind him. “Wow, your muscles are super tight!” He began to gently knead the tight corded muscles on both sides of Snart’s neck.

 

“Yeah, well, I haven’t _exactly_ had time for a massage lately. Or anyone willing to give me one.”

 

“You’ve got me now,” Raymond said quietly, pressing a light kiss to the back of Snart’s neck. Len involuntarily tensed up, hating himself for it immediately. “I’m sorry, I thought…”

 

Snart uncurled his legs, turning around to face Raymond. “I’m not good at…” He fished around for the right words, “I’m not good with _feelings_. But I…ah, _hell_. I have feelings for you, Raymond. I don’t know how to—” he waved his hands around vaguely, “— _deal_ with them.”

 

Raymond was grinning that smile again – the one that melted Len’s heart. “I was hoping you’d say that,” he said, bringing his hands up once again to Snart’s neck, but this time to pull him in for a kiss.

 

Their lips finally met, for a second time, and now there was nothing standing in the way. There were no crewmates gathered around, no posturing, no walls. Just Raymond’s tongue in his mouth, his fingers running over the bare skin of Raymond’s back, Raymond’s hands at his hips, slipping under his sweater, under his shirt. He let Ray lift his shirt up, slipping his goggles up over his head before his layers tangled with them, and discarding it all to the side of the bed. Ray’s fingers ran over his skin…and stopped. Raymond pulled back and took in the scars covering Snart’s arms and torso.

 

“Oh my god, Len.” Raymond traced a scar on Snart’s ribs with his fingertips and Snart tried not to squirm.

 

“I’m a _criminal_ , Raymond, what did you _expect_?”

 

“For you to tell me the truth. None of these scars are from the last few years. They’re all…old.”

 

Snart stopped himself from throwing his shirt back on and running away, but only barely. This was too soon, too fast. Normally the guys he hooked up with had shitty childhoods as well, or were too drunk to care that his skin was dotted with scar tissue. He’d never had anyone he’d slept with care enough to ask him about the scars. His breath started to come in short gasps and his thoughts began to spiral. Raymond, clearly realizing something was wrong, carefully wrapped himself around Snart and made calming noises.

 

“Shh, it’s okay. I’m sorry. Breathe with me, okay.” Raymond took deep, long breaths, and slowly Len felt his breathing sync up and his mind clear. He pulled back, searching Raymond’s face for judgement or disgust; any sort of negative response to his weakness. Instead, he saw pity, intermingled heavily with affection. He curled back up against Raymond and together they lay down on the bed, facing each other, his head tucked under Ray’s chin. Raymond began stroking his hair, letting him adjust.

 

Snart took a deep breath, bracing himself for what he was going to say next. “I uh, heh. They’re from my father.”

 

“Yeah, I figured. I’m sorry.” Raymond’s hands kept a steady pace across his scalp, his fingers making soft noises as they brushed against his coarse hair.

 

“It’s, uh, why I wear long sleeves all the time.”

 

“And why you love the cold? So you have an excuse to wear sweaters?”

 

“Something like that, yeah.”

 

“Are you okay…with this?” Ray asked, the hand not caressing Snart’s hair running up his spine. Len huffed out a breath and nodded against Raymond’s chest.

 

“You _know_ that I’m not good at letting people in but…I would like to try. With _you_ , Raymond.”

 

Ray kissed the top of his head. “I’d like that.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Raymond’s Room, The Waverider**

 

It was Snart who moved first, moving his head up to rest it on the pillow next to Raymond’s head, pressing his forehead against Ray’s. It was Snart who cupped Raymond’s jaw first this time, and it was Snart who moved in first, to press their lips together in their third kiss. It started slow, cautious, both of them testing the limits of the other. The kiss grew heated, and Raymond’s leg wrapped around Snart’s waist, pushing their hips together.

 

“ _Raymond_ ,” Snart said, pulling back and putting his hand firmly on Ray’s chest. “Have you ever, _you know_ —”

 

“Slept with a guy before?”

 

“ _Yeah_ , that.”

 

“No. But, uh, well, I’ve had some experiences with, uh, toys…” Raymond blushed scarlet as Len grinned.

 

“ _Good_ , we don’t have to start from scratch.”

 

Len pushed Raymond onto his back and began kissing a line down his chest. His fingers hooked in the waistband of Ray’s pants and slowly pulled them down as his kisses reached Raymond’s stomach. Ray propped himself up on his elbows, his eyes fixed on Len. Snart met his eyes as he licked up the length of Raymond’s erection, causing Ray to throw his head back and moan.

 

Never let it be said that Leonard Snart is above showing off – he’s great at giving head and he knows it. And he took great pleasure in how responsive Raymond was – the man moaned and huffed at every little touch. Len traced his fingers across Raymond’s hipbones, letting him buck into his mouth a bit, then stilled Ray’s motions to swallow the length of him.

 

“Fuuuuck, Len,” Raymond moaned, pushing up against the iron grip Snart had on his hips. His hands tangled in the sheets, and he’d dropped back down onto the bed, his head thrown back on his pillow.

 

Len pulled back, his mouth hovering over the tip of Ray’s cock. “Yes, _Raymond_?” He pressed a kiss to Ray’s inner thigh. “What can I do for you?”

 

Raymond growled, a sound that Len thought he would never hear come out of the _Hufflepuff_ he was currently on top of. “Stop teasing,” Raymond said through gritted teeth, grabbing at the back of Len’s neck.

 

“Happy to _oblige_ , Raymond.” Len put his mouth back over Raymond’s erection, moving up and down the length of it, one hand on Ray’s hip, the other at the base of his cock. He hummed, and the vibration made Raymond moan louder and buck his hips harder.

 

“Len, oh god, Len, please,” Raymond panted, “I’m – I’m gonna, ohhhh fuck.”

 

Raymond came, hot and thick, into Len’s mouth. Snart looked up at him, and swallowed it down, smirking. Ray propped himself back up on his elbows, his chest heaving.

 

“That was, uh, wow.”

 

“Glad you enjoyed it, Raymond.” Len moved back up the length of Ray’s body to resume kissing him. Raymond’s hands moved to unbuckle Len’s belt and began unbuttoning his jeans. Snart moved his hips against Ray’s hand, which was currently working its way into his boxer-briefs to wrap around his erection. Snart moaned into Raymond’s mouth as Ray jacked him off, his hand warm around Len’s cock. His hands clenched, fingernails digging into Ray’s back as he came, hard, his hips stuttering and a loud moan escaping his lips.

 

Snart settled back onto the bed, panting, a wide grin on his face. Raymond propped himself up on his elbow, looking extremely pleased with himself. “You have a gorgeous smile, you know,” Ray said, pressing a soft kiss to the edge of the aforementioned smile.

 

Snart wasn’t sure how to respond to that, so he just pulled Raymond in for a short, sweet kiss. Ray then curled up against him, his head resting on Snart’s chest, and they fell asleep together, in each other’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote two chapters tonight, so you get sweet AND smut. You're welcome. It was my first time writing smut, hope I did okay, eeeep


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning notes: Panic attacks, mention of past physical and mental abuse, discussion of PTSD, self-hatred.

**Raymond’s Room, The Waverider, Middle of the Night**

 

Snart woke up with long limbs thrown across his legs and torso and a panic attack bubbling up, threatening to pour out of him at any second. _Shit_. Now was not the time for a panic attack, not with Raymond sleeping peacefully and half on top of him. He tried to force the panic down, to calm his breathing and slow his heart rate, but he couldn’t stop the steady crawl of it up his throat. Before the attack could hit, he carefully extricated himself from Raymond’s warm, heavy limbs and hurried into the bathroom. He wouldn’t be able to make it to his room, he figured, and he was not about to let himself be seen like that by any teammate who might find him hyperventilating in the hallways of the ship.

 

Thankfully he was already naked as he threw himself into the shower and turned the cold water on full blast. He sunk down to the ground, wrapping his arms around his legs as the panic hit. His thoughts were barbed and his breath came in short, fast gasps as sobs wracked his body. He had been doing so well, had pushed down his PTSD and self-hatred with the rest of his feelings; he had built up the wall of ice for this purpose. But Raymond had torn it down and left him raw and bare and this was the bad that came along with the good, the destruction that followed the glow of affection and good sex with someone who cared for him.

 

All the bad things he’d done, all the people he’d hurt or killed, all the horrible things he’d said and done and lived with all hit him full force, over and over again. The killing of his father, a scene that he had locked away, regardless of what the man had done to him, all the abuse he’d suffered, it didn’t change the fact that he murdered his father, murdered him in front of Barry Allen, in front of a witness who could see past the façade to the good in him, a man who he’d betrayed again and again and still wanted to save him, and Raymond didn’t know and he would find out eventually because Barry knew and Lisa knew and…he’d done a terrible job raising Lisa, better than his father but terrible because she’d turned out cold like him, cold like he wanted to be, reveling in destruction but at least she was capable of love because she loved him, he knew she loved him, and he loved his sister dearly but he didn’t have to hide from her or show himself to her because she knew him and she loved him anyway because she was him and he had gladly taken the full force of physical abuse from his father but the mental abuse had been one he couldn’t throw his body in front of his sister from and he couldn’t protect her from it, couldn’t protect her from the hate and the lies and the viciousness, and so they both got it, they were both told that they were nothing, that they were useless and horrible and would never do anything with their lives and that they would never deserve love and it sank in, deep to their core, like the cold water raining down on him, and they believed it, Len believed, with every piece of him, that he did not deserve to be loved, that there was not a single part of him capable of being loved by anyone and that this _thing_ with Raymond was fleeting and would leave him broken and empty, because Raymond was good, Raymond was kind and gentle and sweet and smart and Len was rough and harsh and stupid and bad—

 

A knock. _Fuck, Raymond’s awake_. He wasn’t sure his voice could handle sound without it being perfectly clear to Ray that he was currently in tears.  

 

Another knock, this time followed by, “Len? Are you in there? Are you okay?” Snart still couldn’t trust his voice, but not saying anything was going to make it worse. Luckily, (maybe?), Raymond continued, “Um, I feel like this is probably an invasion of privacy, but Gideon woke me up because they think you’re having a panic attack and um, I want to help, if I can? Can I come in? You can totally tell Gideon to tell me if you don’t want me to come in, that’s totally okay, I just want to help you and if coming in won’t help you…”

 

Snart took as deep of a breath as he currently could. “Gideon,” he forced out, “tell him…I don’t want him to see me like this.”

 

Gideon apparently conveyed the message, because Raymond was silent for a moment. Then Snart heard a soft thump, and realized that Raymond had most likely sat down against the bathroom door, which was confirmed a moment later when Raymond started talking again.

 

“Okay, I can understand that. Is it okay if I just talk to you? Nod if it’s okay and Gideon can tell me if you did.” Snart nodded. “Okay, good. I’ve never had a panic attack before, but I’ve had friends who’ve had them and, like, I get really overstimulated sometimes, and that’s somewhat in the same vein? It really sucks. I mean, I don’t need to tell you that. That’s probably not helpful. Um…okay, well, I can’t fully understand what you’re going through, but I can understand your mind doing things you don’t ask it to or that get in the way of things you want to do. Like, okay, you may have guessed, but I’m probably on the spectrum. Autistic, I mean. I’ve never been diagnosed – my parents didn’t think it mattered, what with my IQ levels being the way they are, I mean it would have been nice to have a diagnosis instead of just being told I’m so smart that it doesn’t matter, but anyway it’s always been something I’ve figured I am. Or, at least, once I learned about autism, I figured that yeah, that was me. You know, special interests, not being able to read people well, not adjusting quickly to change…so I mean, of course it’s not like my mind is fighting me in the way that I think yours is now, because it’s just a part of me and I can’t change that, and I don’t want to, but…I guess what I’m trying to say, I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. Maybe that I empathize with what you’re going through right now?”

 

Snart could feel himself calming with the waves of Raymond’s voice pouring over him. Even with the babbling that the other man was doing, it was comforting to have someone on the other side of the door, talking him down. His breathing slowed and his tears finally stopped.

 

“I don’t know if this is helping at all, but I want to help you.”

 

Snart turned the water off and realized he was shivering.

 

“I want to help you through this, because I want to be with you, Len.”

 

Snart snagged a towel and dried himself off quickly before wrapping it around his waist. He took a deep breath and opened the door.

 

Raymond stood up and turned to face him, his eyes sweeping over Len’s face, taking in the shivers and the wide-eyed, vulnerable expression. Snart made a decision, and stepped over the threshold of the bathroom, pressing his lips against Raymond’s, letting Ray wrap his arms around his ice-cold torso, and found solace. Snart broke away from the kiss and rested his head on Raymond’s shoulder.

 

“Thank you,” he said quietly, muffling his words against Ray’s skin.

 

Ray wrapped himself tighter around Snart, as if to sink his warmth into Len faster, and asked, “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

“Not right now.”

 

“Okay, well, I’m here. If you want to talk about it.”

 

“I might take you up on that. Just, not now.”

 

Raymond pulled back and took Len’s face in his hands. “I will be here, when you do want to. Now, will you come back to bed so I can warm you up? You’re absolutely freezing.”

 

Snart nodded, and let Raymond pull him back into bed and wrap his warm limbs around his shivering body, and finally felt like he could breathe again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Dubious for helping me make sure Ray discussing his autism was accurate and respectful!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A better morning.

**Raymond’s Room, the Waverider, Dawn**

 

Len woke up this time with a glow in the pit of his stomach that matched the growing lights as Gideon brought the ship towards morning. This time, the limbs thrown across him were a calming weight, the warmth of another body on his was comforting. The memory of his panic attack last night had faded away, like a half-remembered dream.

 

He shifted in bed, eliciting a stirring from Raymond, and turned his head to look at his bedmate. Ray was gorgeous in the morning light, with his hair sticking up in all directions and a peaceful look on his face. Snart allowed himself to smile, to marvel in this feeling. He let himself latch on to the happiness he felt that this kind, gracious man chose him. Chose broken, harsh, _cold_ Leonard Snart, and didn’t run scared when he saw the scars within.

 

Raymond stirred then, curling up closer against Snart, nuzzling up as he woke. “Mmm, hi.”

 

“Morning,” Len replied, and flipped onto his side so they were face-to-face.

 

“I was dreaming about you,” Ray said, pressing his forehead against Snart’s and grabbing at Len’s waist to bring their hips together. Snart let out a huff of breath as his erection found Raymond’s. He found himself thinking that he could get used to this – and then Raymond kissed him, and he wasn’t thinking about anything except Raymond’s lips on his, fingers curled at his hip, cock pressed against his own.

 

“What was I doing in this dream of yours, pretty boy?” Snart muttered into Raymond’s mouth, and suddenly he was on his back with Ray on top of him. “Ooh, you think _you’re_ on top, do you?”

 

Ray grinned, slowly moving his hips, and said, “No, I’m pretty sure that’s your domain. I just…” He leaned down to press a gentle kiss to Len’s lips. “I just like looking at you.” He propped himself up on one elbow and began tracing the stubble lining Snart’s jaw with his other hand. “I was dreaming about, well, you.”

 

“Yeah, I kinda guessed that. What were we _doing_ in this dream, Raymond?” That elicited a blush from Ray, which was hilarious to Snart considering they were completely naked in bed and Raymond was currently on top of him. “Let me rephrase.” Snart flipped them over so that he was in his favorite place of _on top_ and continued, “what would you like me to _do_ to you, _Raymond_?”

 

Ray’s response was to throw his arms around the back of Snart’s neck to bring him in for a kiss and to wrap his legs up around Snart’s hips. Now, that, he could work with. He spent a few minutes focused on kissing Ray (lips and tongues and teeth clacking messy and harsh and moving to soft and sweet honey taste and back to messy and repeat) and lazily rolling his hips, enjoying the buzz pulsing through his abdomen as their cocks moved together in the slick space between their bodies.

 

After a few _lovely_ minutes of this, Raymond began pawing more forcefully at Len’s back. Snart sped up the roll of his hips, leaning his weight on one elbow so he could move his other hand to grasp at their cocks, jerking them both off with rhythmic, fluid motions. Ray moaned into his mouth and Snart broke the kiss to press his lips to the line of Raymond’s jaw, to mouth at his neck, to run teeth along his collarbone.

 

Ray’s breath was coming in shorter gasps, moaning louder and louder each time Len’s hand moved along their lengths. Raymond threw his head back and Snart rose up on one hand, keeping up the rhythm, to watch this glorious sight. One jerk, another, and Raymond was calling his name (“ _Len_! Oooooh, Leonard!”) and coming onto his stomach. Snart followed soon after, saying Raymond’s name like a prayer against his skin.

 

Snart shifted his body so that he could continue kissing Raymond, riding down the orgasm together.

 

Something that sounded suspiciously like Gideon clearing their throat broke through their post-coital haze. “Gentlemen, if you are quite done, the Captain requests your presence on the bridge.”

 

“ _Gideon_ , how long ago did he _request_ our presence?” Snart asked suspiciously while reluctantly prying himself off Raymond to grab a towel and clean them both up.

 

“The Captain asked approximately five minutes ago, while you two were very much engaged in—”

 

“What did you _tell_ him as to why we wouldn’t be there immediately?” Snart asked, annoyed, throwing the towel to Ray.

 

“The truth, of course.”

 

Snart immediately searched Raymond’s face for the expression that he hoped wouldn’t be there – fear, distaste, a want to keep this secret. Again, he was surprised and pleased to find a lack of negative emotions. “You’re not…you’re okay with them knowing about whatever _this_ is?”

 

“Of course!” Raymond sounded surprised, as though Snart didn’t have a collection of past lovers who didn’t want to claim anything but his body, as though Snart wasn’t a dirty secret to keep hidden from everyone. “Len, when I say that I want you, I’m saying that I want all of you. I don’t just want to sleep with you, I want to **date** you.”

 

“ _What_.”

 

“I want you to be my boyfriend, how was that not clear?”

 

“You never exactly _said_ it.”

 

“Well I’m saying it now.” Ray stood up, walking over to Len and taking his hands. “Leonard Snart, will you be my boyfriend?”

 

“Uh...” Snart wondered if he looked as lost as he felt in that moment. “I’m not sure I… _know_ how to actually _date_ someone…”

 

“That’s okay. I mean, it’s gonna be a bit new for me too – I can’t exactly take you out to fancy dinners aboard a timeship! And, plus, I’ve never dated a guy before, I’m sure there’s going to be some new territory for me as well. But I want to try!”

 

Len heard himself say, “yes,” and he still wasn’t sure of it, still was more terrified at the prospect of dating someone than any reasonable person should be, but Raymond kissed him quickly and told him to put his clothes on so they could join the team and then they were dressed and out the door and Raymond was holding his hand all the way to the bridge and he thought that maybe, _maybe_ , things were going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! I think this is it for this Coldatom timeline for me but I've got some other Coldatom in the works that lines up with...canon?? eep! keep an eye out ;)


End file.
